i embraced the change today

i embraced life today. i am gona live my life every single day, just for that day. not for tmr , not for the past. just that second, just that hour.
today i am single without the love of my life in my life but hey u knw what
its absolutely cool.
i mean come on it had been three yrs and surely a hottie like me needs a change na. like u know.
for the past week i had been hoping and wishing and praying that he would come back.
but hey u knw what. its cool. whatever happens happens for the best. yeah!
i am back ! and i know this change will bring out the best and not the worse in me,
cos u knw why... happiness comes only to ppl who give others happiness.
just cos things dint work out the way i dreamt it to be doesnt mean its fo the worse.

i know that God is takin full charge and this change realli is gona be phenomenol. but u knw what
i know its rocking!!!! its gona rock my world.
cos suddenly my view of the world has absolutely changed. well its not like i am singing kuch to hua hai from kal ho na ho or.. cheesy shit like u and i collide u knw..
its jus a perspective. i wudnt say its a good or bad perspective but its defintely different.

i think happiness is a choice. yeah its true that there are some things which inevitably form the foundation of the definition of happiness in our lives like for me happiness = Vivek (sorry that was in the past)

now happiness is smth else , i dun realli knw but i am sure its out there. i jus have gotta reach out and grab it. and and and!!!!!! the happiness which is received whn love touches ur heart shd never b compared to anything else. yes. i knw one day , i dont knw when but maybe like 2 or 3 yrs down the road i may jus end up being Vivek's wife or maybe even someone else like some hottie like Arjun Sinha, or maybe a nun. i mean isnt this whole suspense jus sooooo fascinating!

after 2 yrs when i read this blog i will think... hmmm so this is what it turned out. but guys u know what. i know very very well my turn out is gona be better. i can guarantee that exactly two yrs frm now on this date when i write my blog, i will talk abt smth fantastic. life is such a fun , weird, exciting concept.

ok so today was a turning point. but today i was thankful fo Sajib's presence in my life. i am jus beginning to fall in love w him. i have to tie rakhi on his hand and make him my loyal brother. always makes me happy. God bless u!

i wonder whats gona happen tmr.. i realli realli do nt knw. its a mystery like i said. i am sooo excited. i think i am gona take looking good to a higher level. maybe tmr i will exercise real hard.
i will come up with fantastic lesson plans and boost the ability of the pupils. i think i am realli good as a teacher. the kids realli love me and i am so s thankful that i am in no other job but teaching. i love my job! the pay may b shit low but the smile on the faces of lil children jus makes myday. kids. Vivek used to love them. he taught me realli beautiful things in life. God bless him.
i will never regret askin him to b my bf cos the moments w him were beyond bliss.

but now hes gone. he may comeback 4 ,5 yrs later or i never see him again i dont knw. see life is so wonderful. its like the unfolding of a story. whether beautiful or horrible depends on the individual. mine is gona be beautiful. i know it.

an imsomniac awakening

its amazing how when you uproot the very essence of your disparagement, the one which you had foolishly labelled love once upon a magical time, the miasma that had been delusionised gradually disapitates and you face your soul in the miror.

your soul. not two blinking brown eyes or a canopy of tanned skin. not your unhappy thin lips or unusally pointy ears. that which you see is your soul. not a human being fearful of social misfits or a lady shying away from the infinity of opiniated individuals. you finally realise the innocence that had been extracted from the heavens above and conjured to be capacitated within the frame of a 1 day old child which novel and unaware like a virgin on her first date.

you see the undulating and stark path between your unaccomplished premediated dreams and the inadequacy of chasing aspirations that were not even of relevance in the first place.
you toss aside the faltering sound of head banging music within the club and the 'appealing' odour of the grotesquely tasting tequila shots. even the brandishing of sex appeal unappeals.
you see your soul beyond the two large sad eyes and you find a swam of words. words forrayed,dismantled and aimless like a war refugee. they remind you of your love for fantasy, for poetry, of the unrealised hours within the cold comfort of turning pages and running words. you see a soul begging for simple wishes. for its skin to touch the warm pool waters on a sunday afternoon. for a body that desires to be shaped. for a mind that desires to dedicate her friday and saturday nights to education. A tongue that is thankful for the taste of food in communal gatherings. Arms that long to embrace an old friend. you see an individuality so strong. that takes delight in engaging itself in intellectual discourses never mind should they linger aimlessly along the incompletion of philosophical conclusions.

you throw away what you thought was the essence of your life but then become dumb founded to discover how you have been deceited and corrupted by the make belief notions on happiness designed by a baseless and materialistic society,

you are alone but not lonely
your eyes are simply indiferent although they do not smile
your decision are only yours, stemming from your values, not societal.

name : Annu

current events in life : shopping, exercising and watching prison break

are u in love ? : yea with wentworth miller.

what u lookin fwd to? : more prison break episodes

whats the greatest notion in life currently : trying to figure out technical things and the science behind how they work.

is there smth u wana admit to? : yeah the fact that life seems to have come to a standstill, theres no joy, fear, excitement, sadness.. i am a living stone.

any desires now : no not realli. maybe i wud like to win a nobel prize or have a group of sientists from NASA applaud me on my discovery of inventing an incredible aeronautical machine which can travel much faster and further and i discover a planet where real people live, where life thrives.

my darling's birthday celebration 3Nov

woo hooo!!!!! miss universe is here. if u think ur hot, wave back!

san,baby and the friendly apek in the background

winnie's all puckered up

the 'cute' waiters

gorgeous food!!!!!!

its a spoonful of heaven

lets dig in!

bon appetite!

yummy!!!!!!!!

my first ever taste of salt lassi

hmmm i bet his thinkin in his thick indian accent 'man today is my lucky day'

baby's b'dae

my bro.. the vice president of his fan club, mr dont knw who and the deejay upinder.. the other two ferget it la ok

thats my bro w hari and god knows who else

choooo chweet! my sweet baby!!! i love u!!!

i have gotten hold of the culprits. meet mr mufti, mufti part 2 and the third mufti

man this pallavi's mother realli seems to b having fun

yeah i am teaching the kids some moves

thats pallavi and some fat aunty tryin to shake that ass. harinath looks soo insane god knows what he was upto.

the food was great.. i duno why i am frowning. oh thats annu rai in green. damn!

awww.. my cute lil baby

lovolution

Lovolution

Its essence reeks through you,

Like your body is suspended in its coma.

Starting with just one element of the heart,

from each moment of time,

It evades and indulges on your spirit.

Slowly relishing on your emotions,

it steers you away,

without the slightest bit of convolution,

to a place where homes paves its way.

This Evolution you blatantly follow,

makes you grasp for her presence,

masking every other reason for existence.

Her heart resounds beats

that synchronize with the melody of your soul.

Caught in the realm of Lovolution

Falling in love was the only solution.

-poem by vivek

finally after 7 yrs of not living w a mirror in my room i finally decided to get one.. haha yup.... but even then i try my best to avoid lookin into it.. i dont wana scrutinise and magnify my tiniest bit of flaws and then start carving out patterns on my body using a chiseled knife...
i have come to understand that perfectionist do not lead a happy life. they cant because there's no such thing as perfection. its realli hard to transform from a someone who doesnt give a heck in the world , someone who wears a disastrous color combination of orange and green to someone who is slowly spending hours in front of the mirror tryin to look perfectt to being back to the original state.

i was hoping to bump into black shoes and red shoelaces todae. i woke up especially early AT 10 am so i wud have enuf time to synchronise my co-incidental bumping into 'b.s.a.r.s' BUT!!!!!!! the forces of nature cruelly and slyly ensured that no such event cud take place. damn it!!!!!!

i was in english class when my bloody mensrtual cramps started. this time it was sooo painful i wished for death in an instant. i even asked aidah if she thinks any1 wud b willin to marry me if i had the fallopian tubes removed.. lol . so anyways i stood gaurav up.. poor guy actually went to the library searchin for me.. i am realli sorry gaurav.. but i had to request my tutor for early leave from class and i hailed a cab and came home/ the medicines helped real quick..what a relief.

i spoke to lev after ages.. i am sooo soooo soooooo happy shes back with joshua. will be meetin up w him soon. i am still contemplatin goin for dandiya this fridae. theres a saree which i sooooo fuckin badly wana wear.. the one deepika had worn on tv recently. BUT firstly , i have put on weight, my tummy is flabby and my belly button has currently no piercing.. i need to go and pierce it again. next! my arms are not toned.. damn!!!! so yeah i am gona work out tonite.. i hope to do upto 100 sit ups, 300 reps of 3.5kg dumb bells. tmr will be the same thing except a 100 more sit ups.. and on fridae i will go jogging.. most prolly i will nt eat tmr and fridae.. or maybe a total of 3 slices of bread for both days. .. this fuckin gastric prob is jus sooo scary.. so yeah i wud either have to buy anti-acid tablets .. or try to binge (i have no idea how i can accomplish this)

ok enuf for now.. i gtg .. this is saree which i am in love with.. i jus pray i can find it in serangoon tmr. check out the video and that girl in white.. sorry i realli dun watch this stupid idiotic show.. cos its so lame.. but my sis does and i was mesmerised when i saw this actress. all my best wished to deepika and i will be goin to sleep hoping that tmr i will find exacty this saree. .. or even better.. lol

today was a realli bad day for me. i got into an unnecessary quarell with vivek. and i was shouting away without carin abt the fact that i was under public scrutinity since i was in a crowded poyclinic. then after that i was supp to meet gaurav at the bridge at arnd 5.30 cos he asked me and he was gona pass me the cash. so when class ended at arnd 5.30 i sms him tellin him to message me once he reached the bridge.. he replied sayin that 'ihave some work.. tmr maybe?' that jus furiated me but i tried to maintain my calm. i went to the nie library w aidah cos we were suppossed to look for algebra problem solving book for our project. the words seemed a blur and i jus cudnt concentrate on anything. i cud feel a searing heat within my chest and my mind whirling.. i jus sat down on the carpet and sighed. then when me and aidah went to photcopy a book which i finally managed to find, i jus started pourin out all my anger in the photocopying room. i was shoutin away like nobody's business.. the aunty was checkin me out as though tryin to assure herself that she has to b a student and not someone who ran away from the asylum.. i told aidah that i realli needed to vent out all this insane energy within me.. that i needed to shout at someone.. poor girl told me ' its ok jus shout at me' ... awwww shes jus so sweet i realli wished i had her patience , her calm. then she went off home and i was on the bridge waiting for 179... since i was alone and completely unable to distract and disuade my mental processes, i picked up my phone and sent the meanest sms ever..

' heyi just need to know smth. do ppl from india have some attitude problem or does the country just breed inconsiderate ppl? firstly they promise to come for a movie and they fucking decide to go for their student union without informing me untile i see them in the train. next they just eat my money and keep quiest. one calls me to the bridge and doesnt even has the manners to sms and apologise for not turning up. seriously you both dont fuck arnd'

recipient.. gaurav and abhi.

poor gaurav called me and was apologsiin profusely and asked me where i was so he cud meet me immediately but i jus barked into the phone.. i was super angry all the way. i decided to eat ice-cream cos it always helped me destress.. .i was thinkin of smoking a cigarette cs it helped so well last time whenever i was angry.. but i stuck firmly on the fact tt i wanted to jus eat ice-cream.. and also cos it was raining so i cud feel cooler. but but.. it dint help. i came home still angry.. then i decided to apologise to gaurav and he was apologising to me also and sayin tt he deserves all that. but seriously it was abhishek i was mad at. so anyways again gaurav insisted he wants to meet me but i refused.. so he kept insisting and apologising and i told him look. i dun have any expectations from u and all but i will b in the library.. if u want to join me tmr ur most welcome otherwise even if u dun turn up.. i will b cool ....

maybe i am goin crazy.. ppl have been callin me volatile, crazy , angry girl.. hot tempered , insane. i wasnt like this. if cheryl , tammy or lev was readin this they wud be so shocked cos they had never seen meangry ever in the 2 yrs.. and now its becoming soo common.. my anger is mounting day by day.. i keep doin the silliest and most idiotic things.. last time as i mentioned i wud drink alcohol or smoke but nwo all i wana do is kill someone.. do smth very very painful to ppl.. i realli realli wish i cud master the art of anger management.. its way to insane.. and how i wish i cud b with hidaya cos shes apparently the only person who can control my anger well. ..
so far this yr i have fought, barked at, sms fight , verbal fight with ppl who pissed me off.. i have physicaly abused myself even out of anger only cos my skin wasnt perfect.. i jus hope i can return to my normal self... sigh..

watched bhool bhulaiya with dignesh, his million friends and my bro.. was a good movie.. 2 seats were wasted cos some lunatics dint turn up.. man i swear i am never askin abhi or gaurav to go for movie.. i bumped into abhi in the train.. he is seriously such a crack pot.. he actualli removed a wine bottle from his bag and he was like ' annu u like wine right u can have it' and unfortunately i brought such a small bag w me so i told him thanks but its ok.. then he said no no u can drink it now.. open it and drink it... ahahhaa realli nutcase man... oh anyways abt the movie.. its a remake of chandramukhi but honestly i wished i dint watch the original one cos i totally knew what was gona happen.. its like watchin a movie twice.. and yes!!!!!!! my akki!!!!!!!! my favourite actor in e whole wide world.. akshay!!!!!!!! man i jus love him. hes soooo perfect!!! hot , funny , rich , sexy , tall , action hero.. what more can u ask!
and yes!!!!!!!! i love banares..
i was sooo nostalgic while watchin this movie.. i remembered the evenings in benares.. when it starts to fog and early morning when i awoke i wud hear the chantings and the mantras and ppl forever goin to the temples.. maybe when i am older like 35 then i wud like to settle there. no way are my kids gona grow up in the states or u.k. i was sooo upset when i recently read this piece of news.. that accordin to statistics, 35 000 kids under 16 in the u.k. consume alcohol which is equivalent to the amount of milk enough for 35million babies.. yeah so my kids are gona be super super cultured.. no hanky panky no alcohol.. no clubbin.. yeah i am gona ruin their lives... but then again i always loved simplicity. i never dreamt of being an heiress or a glamour queen, or some flithy rich woman. i jus wana be independent, earning a decent salary, teachin which i sooo sooo sincerely love. so its like i would wake up every morning , pray to my krishna go to school teach come home and take care of my kids and wait for my husband to return home. prepare a nice meal for everyone. play w all the animals arnd.. a simple peaceful life.. no nonsense of partyin.. no smell of wine or tobacco... no twinkling of city lights.. after evening sometimes when there wud be a power failure ( i love it in india when theres a power failure) then mywhole family can have a nice candle light dinner.. awww.. the primitive way back to the basics.. but then again i can never get along w indians.. they are jus on a different frequency.. bt i still wana go benares.. awww tt beautiful week i spent when i was 14 n i was in love w satyam .. those were a hell of splendid days... love is jus wonderful . i am extremely happy i was able to fall in love twice in this lifetime.. and frankly speaking i dun mind fallin in love again if i cud.. but i have found the one. his name is vivek n i jus hope i can fulfill every dream together w him.. but definitely not in the states.. if i have to go and settle down it wud b in benares or mumbai and my white christmas wud be in switzerland.. christ!!!!!pls make my wish come true.. pls

right now i am leavin everything into the hands of krishna.. awww i miss india.. :( i shd have said yes to my grandpa to go there.. crap!!! shit!!!! its been like 2 yrs plus.. i miss mumbai food..

10 worst pick up lines

1. “What’s your sign?”
what?


2. “Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”
i seem to have lost my wallet, we definitely could do a trade!

3. “You must be a broom because you’re sweeping me off my feet.”
you mean like the one on ur head?

4. “Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy.”
i cant help it.. i was born for that. *actualli i kinda like this one*

5. “I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade.”
i gotta hit smth and u look like my punching bag!


6. “Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here.”
well but hell is nearby and i could definitely show u the way!

7. “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”
Well, maybe righ now a gun would be an answer to all my prayers

8. “Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.”
sure but before that i need to take yours so santa would be sure what to avoid.

9. “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again
my most hated line!!!!!!!!!! i nearly killed the guy who told me this when i was at a bhangra night. i mean hello!!!!!!! stop copying outdated bollywood lines. Christ!!

10. “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”
A line which Arjun loves!!!!!! haha jerk u readin this. anyways my other two wishes are how about first u wipe off that smirk on ur face and second , u scoot from here. *sticks out tongue*

annu : " hey when are u coming? why the heck do you refuse to tell me the date? this is like the millionth time i am asking you'"

vivek : '' cos u said u want a surprise and i dont want to tell u the date on which i am coming so i can surprise u. u know maybe one day as your walking on the streets i may just pop out of no where.' '

annu : '' what the heck. yeah yeah.. but vivek pls!! i wana do my countdown. dont u know that gives me eternal bliss.' '

vivek : '' no way your never gona know which date i am coming.. *evil laughter*''

annu : '' ok fine but u better not come after 5thdec, i am gona be soooo pissed off ''

vivek : '' what why? i cant take leave from my boss u know that. My company is closing on the 20th, so u can more or less guess when i am coming.''

annu : ''no!!!! u should come in Nov, i will sooo not talk to you if you come anytime after 5th dec ok''

vivek : '' pls try and understand , the company doesnt belong to my father! its closing on 20th dec so u cant expect me to take a month's leave right.''

annu : ''vivek :( *girly whining* ''

vivek : ' come on babes , i realli wana surprise u and i mean think about it ,12 dec is better than 20th right '

annu : '' what the heck 12 is way too late and why the hell did you tell me when ur coming? ''

vivek : ''oh shit!!!!!!! *###@@*^%@##shit##%&****### ''

annu: '' hahahah what a nice surprise, thanks vivek *grins*''

shopping spree